Idol Star System Generation: Season 1 Read online

  Chapter VI – In Pursuit of Dreams

  Looking down to her extremely old and crappy cellphone, the picture of two birds on its gleaming screen reflecting on her glasses, all she could wish for was that someone, anyone sent her a message. Even small talk would be fine. Her entrance boxes in e-mails, messages, social media and everything else were so empty if it was studied by science mankind could probably discover a new kind of vacuum with never before seen emptier qualities. Even the artistic photos she liked to take of nature and landscapes with her equally old photographic camera, that sometimes got her a comment in social media, were not netting her anything anymore. It’s as if people got bored not only of her photos, but of her as well. Hearing Naoko apologize to her class friends for not answering them the night before because she had more than seven hundred message threads, requests, notifications and communication trash to look at and decided not to bother, Shiori could only wish she had one hundredth of it.

  That was something that pissed her off. Why people flocked to clearly insensitive girls like Naoko, who didn’t feel the need to respond to others, when nice ones who could give others the attention they deserved were left in a limbo? People really liked to suffer this badly? Or were they just stupid? What people wanted Shiori to do to get even a little bit of attention?

  At times like that the girl usually fell into long meditations, but the answers she found were invariably the same: simply put, she was ugly and Naoko was beautiful. Beautiful people received lots of praise from others since they’re born, so they had fewer reasons to be afraid of others and could become more extroverted. Being so, they could attract more people, and they in return would have even more people to praise them, creating a cycle. Shiori wasn’t so lucky. She’s just a below average girl, in her opinion. Others didn’t praise her, and required her to constantly prove herself based on her smarts or other qualities for her to even receive attention. Worst of all: there was no way around that. People already made no efforts to be with her to begin with, it wouldn’t cut to imitate the loftiness she saw on Naoko toward others because it’d only repel them even more.

  She hated herself so much for admitting she wanted to be as beautiful as Naoko that Shiori couldn’t even stand to face her classmate, but it’s true. For as much as Naoko looked very friendly, she could also disdain all the clear signals of interest almost all boys from her class sent her and it only teased them to try harder. That charming boy named Takumi with whom Shiori studied together for the past seven years and because of whom she enrolled on that stupid drama club was a perfect example. He never gave too much attention to her, but tried so hard to get even the slightest bit of Naoko’s attention it’s disgusting. Every damned time Takumi found a chance to talk to her, he reminded Naoko about how the drama club could contribute to her career. To be fair, even if aloof, the idol was arguably very kind to others in this regard and politely refused again and again. Shiori knew if she’s in Naoko’s place she’d be much less nice to that imbecile who couldn’t take a hint. If anything else, it motivated him to insist even more. The glasses girl had never seen that handsome boy act so much like a puppy. It revolted her.

  She lost herself so badly in her sweet imaginings of how marvelous would her life be if she’s a drop-dead gorgeous girl too that she noticed far too late she’s expected to pay attention to lessons and take notes. When her teacher dismissed her class to the break Shiori got pale and desperate. She’d once again lost sight of the subject at hand. How’s she supposed to get exemplary grades to get even the smallest bit of others’ attentions if she couldn’t even concentrate on classes? A few year before her daydreams were nothing more than a distraction during free time, but currently it happened on a daily basis and weighted against her on her studies. Her grades followed a downtrend over the years and even her natural intelligence, the only thing the girl felt she could positively talk about herself, could only carry her so far. She had to pay attention to that class, and without any friend she could ask for help all Shiori could do was pray the contents she’d lost wouldn’t be required to understand the ones from subsequent lessons, though it usually was.

  While she sat still, ruminating about problems, one interesting event surrounding Naoko brought her back to reality. Two intelligent but not really handsome or sociable boys talked between themselves like they usually did while the idol was about to leave class for a stroll with her friends. Those two hardly ever spoke to other people in the class, thought it looked like they had a few other close-knit friends on other classes. In fact, they studied along with the glasses-wearing girl for about six years and she knew almost nothing about them. They sat close to the windows and talked about some kind of game involving swords and magic as far as Shiori could tell, though she didn’t understand anything about the topic to make any sense of it. But the instant Naoko unintentionally overheard their mumbo-jumbos her eyes sparkled. The girl eagerly barged in, asking if they talked about something she referred to as “RPG”, whatever it could be.

  Even though Shiori knew absolutely nothing about the subject, the conversation that took place only three chairs away from hers amused the girl. The two collected boys where initially petrified, their postures stiff and their shaky voices merely responding in short sentences. Shiori was naturally an amazing observer and listener and could see that from miles away, though Naoko apparently did not. The excited idol asked lots of questions with apparent excitement, such as if the game they referred to was a “tabletop RPG”, if they already had a group, who was the “Game Master”, what kind of “system” they used, what narrative setting they liked to play on, what kind of characters each player preferred to role-play as and so on. Again, Shiori had no idea what it all meant, but before her eyes a kind of miracle happened.

  The initial shock of the boys grew bigger, but their fearful expressions gradually gave in to surprise. One, wearing contact lenses and bearing an untidy brown hair, asked in disbelief:

  “Does Yano-San really like to play Role-Playing Games?”

  “Yup!” Naoko excitedly replied, “Well, the ones I play are just computer or video game ones, to tell the truth. I never played a tabletop RPG before, I just heard a lot about in on the internet. It looked so cool! I always wanted to know how it’s to play it!” Scratching her cheek with an index finger and looking frustrated, she contradicted her own speech, “Funny thing is, just yesterday I was happy about not wanting to play games anymore since I moved in, but here I am having a relapse. Oh, well. Hey! Do you guys play RPG with those cool dices?!”

  Nodding, a boy with dark hair parted in the middle, sending two fringes over his forehead, opened his pencil case and took a small blue object from it. Initially Shiori thought it’s a ball because it looked roughly spherical, but a closer inspection revealed it’s actually composed of many numbered faces. Handing the dice to the astonished idol, the boy told her:

  “Yes, the rule system we follow make use of dices. This one you have is a D20, because it has twenty faces. We also employ the D4, D8, D10 and D12 along with the D6, which is the classical six-sided dice.”

  The class president discreetly came closer and Naoko, with starry eyes, showed her friend the dice. Miwa, getting suspicious, inquired the two boys, getting them afraid again:

  “What are you boys doing with dices on school? You do not intend to gamble, I expect.”

  “No, Miwa-Chan, don’t worry,” Naoko intervened in their favor, explaining, “These kinds of dies are not used on gambling, they’re used on a kind of game called a Role-Playing Game, or RPG for shorts. Basically a few people get together to role-play as characters in a story that one of the players, called the Dungeon Master or Game Master, creates. People say what their characters do, the Master tells them about the world around them and what enemies and non-player controlled, secondary characters do in response, the players react to that and the story unfolds. They use the dices to solve if someone succeeds or fails in any task that require skill to be performed, such as hitting an oppone
nt with an attack. It’s hard to explain in a few words, but trust me, it’s not gambling. And it’s so nice to see an actual dice like this! Wanna roll it and see who gets the highest value?!”

  Though not very enthused like her friend, Miwa laughed.

  “Seriously, Naoko-Chan, do you play these kinds of things too? That’s so you.”

  “Nope, never had a chance to play this, no one I knew played tabletop RPGs,” Naoko explained, “I just know about it because I play electronic RPGs. The ones from video games are usually very different, but they come from the same source, so I’ve already got curious and tried to learn about it! But no, I actually know little about tabletop ones.”

  Turning to the boys, Naoko thanked them for letting her see the dice. Shiori could feel in the air they wanted to invite her to play whatever it was, though they didn’t and Naoko left with Miwa and the other girls for a walk around the school. As soon as she went away the two boys started to discuss what had just happened as if they’d been graced by the visit of a goddess. Next thing it looked like they’d do was to ask themselves if she’s really human. She’s just so something new, for them at least. Worse, a few others who stayed in the classroom during break also got to talk about it. Initially Shiori thought the majority of the class would make fun of the popular girl for liking such silly games, but on the contrary, they all seemed thrilled. The shy, friendless, glasses-wearing girl couldn’t understand why this happened. If she was the one doing that, all her classmates would most likely mock her, but it seemed like whatever Naoko did was okay!

  All the while, it’s the first time Shiori found she was unable to get angry with Naoko, though she had no idea why. Maybe because for once she wasn’t unknowingly getting the attention of the handsome boys with an ease that made Shiori envious. The girl, despite being very popular, had approached two unsociable boys, and looked very happy and gentle. She hadn’t act like the extroverted, fun but standoffish girl Shiori came to expect her to be. Naoko looked sincerely interested in that game even if the ones talking about it were a pair of socially-awkward boys, and didn’t care what others could think about it. Her friend Miwa had acted like she came to expect Naoko to be fun-driven like that, in fact. And to get those two boys out of their shell like that, even if just a little, was a feat even the reclusive girl had to acknowledge.

  It got Shiori thinking again fervently. About how incredible would it be if she was beyond reproach from others like that. About what would she do if the situation was inversed and a stunning boy came to talk to her about something she liked. Photography, movies, literature, anything. About how such a little act made those two snap out of their tiny shells of worlds. And why nobody did the same to her. Why nobody seemed to care to try and take her out of her shell. What was the problem with the others? Or maybe… what was the problem with her?

  The Athletics club had meetings on Mondays, Fridays and Saturdays, but attendance was required during only two days of the week. Since Naoko’s body was hurting a lot she decided to give it a pass and go ask for permission to use the school theater during whatever free time it had for practicing her songs. The secretary told her it’s unfortunately not possible because even though the theater had many schedule vacancies, the only student group typically allowed to make use of it and request permission for its use was the Drama club, because they’re responsible for the maintenance of that space. However, the secretary told her if their members scheduled an hour for her to rehearse, even if it has nothing to do with the club itself, it’d be acceptable since those students would be vouching for the correct use of the facility.

  Naoko didn’t want to rehearse her singing and dancing in a public park and she couldn’t afford to rent a big place every day just for it. Her dorm room was barely big enough for her to walk around it, dancing would be a no go, and she’d definitely not dance in the building’s courtyard. Her best bet seemed the school theater, which was enormous and acoustic. Its walls were also soundproof, meaning people on the outside wouldn’t even know she’s rehearsing. It looked good, but Naoko wasn’t one to ask for favors. Still, it seemed she had little choice on the matter if she really wanted to be ready, so maybe she could do them a favor in return to even it out.

  She texted Rin to meet her by the theater with the manga the girl wanted to lend her and went there to try and talk with that boy from her class, Takumi, who constantly invited her to join the club. He’s her only contact there, maybe he could get her in touch with whoever was in charge. And the vast majority of people on the club were very nice to her the only time she’s there. She hated to ask favors to people but maybe they’d accept it nevertheless. It’d still be awkward to tell she needed to do so because they could ask why her agency didn’t pay her extra classes then, but if she just told them she wanted to improve by herself, perhaps they’d buy it.

  Even though she waited until the end of the rehearsal to enter, Takumi looked very pleased to see her. Naoko ashamedly explained him she wanted to practice her songs and dances outside of working hours and explained she liked that theater so much she asked the secretary if she could use it. She explained why she’s directed to the drama club and, bowing, asked if Takumi could help her in any way, promising she’d return the favor to the group somehow. He introduced Naoko to the senior girl in charge of the club, a brunette of average height and a stern face called Jissoji Chiasa.

  She didn’t look too welcoming, though Naoko had already partaken from a few exercises on the drama club and recalled that girl being very outgoing and open despite her serious semblance, so she humbly retold the situation and asked for help. That she could return the favor of any rehearsing hour the club could schedule for her. For some time she looked reticent, not wanting to downright decline but also looking uneasy. It’s because of the responsibility of lending the whole theater to anyone who was not even part of the drama club to begin with. If something happened to the facility or to herself during her rehearsals the club president Chiasa would be blamed and the club could have a hard time with the director. Takumi, though, intervened, proposing that Naoko joined the drama club. Her presence there could attract the interest of many students to watch their plays, and maybe she could even make a show for the students as a way to pay the favor back.

  The club president Chiasa got interested. That time Naoko was the one who vacillated. After all, she hated theater plays, she didn’t want to bother being close to that Shiori girl who seemed so sad whenever she’s around and she wasn’t sure her producer would accept she did a free gig. The last argument was the only one she mentioned, though. She hesitantly told them she could try to persuade him to it, but that her contract was very strict about her payments. She told a few lies just to see if she could dissuade them to force her to join the group, though her argument only posed difficulties to her special exhibition. In the end she felt forced to excuse herself and take some distance to call Aratani, just so she could show others she’s interested in it.

  Aratani was more than happy to allow her a single free show if it meant she got free publicity on her school, experience under her belt and a whole theater to rehearse. Just to make it more worthwhile, he proposed a counteroffer in which Naoko had at least one hour and a half of rehearse time every day she could spare for it, because most real shows she’d perform in the future would generally be as long as one and a half hour. Naoko, grinding her teeth at the prospect of having not only to act in a theatrical play but also perform an extra gig, but unable to tell her producer that without having the others know of her real fears, presented the proposal to the club president. Chiasa immediately agreed as long as her producer accepted to promote their play however he could. He counteroffered accepting to promote it, but only on the girl’s fan club and the agency website, and only as long as Naoko had a significant role in it. Also, he’d want to personally supervise the preparations for her show on school. Chiasa replied, Aratani replied her reply and so on for about fifteen minutes.

  Serving as a messenger between
both sides since she’s the one talking on the cellphone, Naoko got gradually more worried. First, she’d be in a play and do a show. Then she’d have a central role in a thing she hated. Then her show would not be free anymore, but people would have to donate food for a charity because it’d give her gig more perceived value and could be better promoted. Then the promotion was getting bigger and bigger. Then Naoko would have two hours to rehearse. After that, the club members would have to be able to watch some of her rehearsals. Eventually Naoko passed her cellphone to Chiasa so she could negotiate directly with Aratani, because the girl didn’t want to hear any more about all the things that would happen. Both the drama club president and her producer had a megalomaniacal sides she discovered the hard way they possessed, because when Chiasa finally hung up the phone, she looked content. Shiori, who stood in the distance along with many other club members waiting the results, looked miserable in contrast. Naoko looked even more so. The only redeeming thing was that Rin, who’d arrived in the middle of the conversations, smiled radiantly, more and more enthusiastic as she watched Chiasa make her friend’s play and gig greater and better.

  “It’s settled, then! Welcome to the Drama Club, Yano Naoko-San!” the club president Chiasa happily said while giving Naoko back her cellphone, prompting lots of energetic applauses. Shiori was so wretched she could almost not even muster the strength to clap, but it’s compensated by Rin, who jumped and cheered loudly as five people in one. The helpless Naoko, grabbing her cellphone back, thanked with a faint voice and an enormous desire to punch Aratani, Chiasa and Takumi, “Thanks, guys. You’re just… the best.” Thinking about the play she’d have to participate, and as a main character to boot, the girl asked as an introduction, but really using it more as a begging, “Please be nice to me!”

  The Drama Club’s meetings occurred on Mondays and Wednesdays, meaning with that, her karate trainings at Tuesdays and Thursdays and the Athletics club on Fridays and Saturdays Naoko had a full agenda. Chiasa told her she’d have two hours every Monday, Wednesday and Friday after club hours to rehearse her songs. Even more, group members who wanted could stay to watch her as long as they all understood it’s practice hour and not a show, meaning she’s expected to commit mistakes, restart songs, fumble steps and so on. Just like rehearsals of a theatrical play. Apparently Aratani thought it’d help her get used to an audience and Chiasa understood it’s a nice bonus for the club members after their hard works.

  Pulling Rin with her, Naoko quickly got away from there before she couldn’t bear to smile gently anymore and murdered someone. Thankfully her friend was there to cheer her up. After some congratulatory talk Rin presented five manga books she took from her school bag.

  “Sorry, Naoko-Chan! I told you I’d bring five manga about love stories that were short and that I thought you’d like, but there’s only four I could find that matched these criteria!”

  “But… there’re five here,” Naoko noted, to which Rin explicated, “Yup! But only because Rin took a fifth one for completion’s sake! It has no action, however… I don’t know if you like slice of life stories as well, but it’s the only short one left Rin had, and since Naoko-Chan told Rin she had little time left to read, Rin thought it’d be best to stick with it. It’s kind of strange and its love story’s arguably not that great, but Rin likes it anyway just for its novelty! And also for being Rin’s first manga ever.”

  The moment Naoko glanced through the five volumes, it quickly became obvious which one was the oddball. Among four who seemed to have at least a few action sequences and fantasy features mixed with the romance, there was one with no outlandish elements. Not very interested, Naoko just glanced through its pages, but in a split second her eyes caught something she’d never expected to see in any manga. Backtracking to the page that piqued her interest, she found a big stock market chart full of vertical stick-like lines and oscillating bands running up and down around it.

  It made Naoko recall that time when she was looking for work and, after thinking about many possibilities of jobs she could have that didn’t rely on others, briefly thought about the stock market. She knew nothing about it, but back then it felt cool to gain lots of money from behind a computer and not having to get in touch with clients and such.

  Suddenly getting curious, Naoko began browsing through its pages.

  “It’s this one Rin-Chan was talking about, right? What’s this about?”

  “Like I said, there’s no action in it!” Rin disclosed just to be sure, “Well, it follows the story of a boy who’s hired as a very well-paid private teacher for a girl. Turns out she’s a secluded multi-billionaire girl who has basically no contact with the outside world, lives alone and the only thing she knows about is how to operate stocks. Then their relationship evolves from the trust they create and a few things happen involving another boy who…”

  “Yeah, yeah, love’s very nice and all,” Naoko quickly interrupted, not sounding nearly as much interested as her enthusiastic friend “Does it actually teach something about stock markets or is it just a thing that happens to be in the plot?”

  Blown away by her friend’s excited question, Rin evoked her recollections for a moment.

  “It only briefly mentions a few aspects, if Rin recalls it correctly. It does not really teach anything, though it introduces the topic somewhat. It falls a bit short not only on the romance but also on the stock thing, it won’t turn anyone in a stock trader, but it deserves merit for mixing both in an interesting way! After reading it even I was curious to learn more about it! But since Economics is not my cup of tea I preferred just to daydream one on my private teachers was a handsome boy and I lived alone! And then he’d take me to dinner! And we’d go to a park…”

  Quickly glancing the other manga, about otherworldly feats, hard to believe coincidences and impossible romances, Naoko decided to give that one about the rich girl a shot. It made Rin very happy, since the girl told her she had more real-ish love story comic books than action-packed ones and was itching to show her friend her small collection.

  That story looked promising, she saw after getting back to her dorm and reading a few pages. The only thing left then was to do her homework, both from school and from her Sunday classes, using visualization to help her overcome the space limitation when necessary.

  The next morning the skies had cleared up back to an infinite blue, even if clouds could be seen here and there. For the first time Naoko went with Miwa and her classmates appreciate the scenic view from the rooftop terraces, now that the gang had been dissolved with the expulsion of its leader. The place was crowded with students who wanted to savor the regaining of that awesome chilling spot, and though she unfortunately met Daiki there, he looked different. Less bravado made for a nicer person, even though Naoko’s memories made her wish nothing more than that he stayed far away from her.

  Still, he’s accompanied by many boys from the soccer club, and those from other sports clubs were also there. Part of that victory was theirs, after all. And since Daiki came talk to Naoko, she eventually was able to have a talk with the boys who’ve helped her in the washhouse by restraining the ex-gang member, which was pretty sweet. Receiving her as the person that made that victory possible, the high-spirited guys welcomed her warmly, joking about tipping others never to screw with that irascible girl and about making her the mascot of the teams. With Naoko’s easygoing and fun-loving personality coupled with those boys’ friendly attitudes they quickly kicked off a conversation about the male sports clubs, Naoko’s membership of the female Athletics one and so on.

  Eventually Naoko spotted Rin and a few female friends of her class roaming around, and called her. She knew Rin was afraid of boys’ attentions but since she’s also part of the Athletics club and the guys, even the senior ones, looked so welcoming she though it’s a good opportunity for her blond friend to get used to talking to boys. Perhaps she’d just never been able to talk in a friendly environment. Rin, just as Naoko expected, was frozen rock sol
id by fear as she’s introduced in the circle and could barely mutter a word, but Naoko supported her by cheerfully talking in her stead and bringing up her excellent personal records. From there she revealed how they first met each other, though the way Naoko recounted the facts was, like always, biased by her own take on them. And her take on the facts invariably leaned on the extraordinary and the comical.

  The way she painted Rin as a carefree girl who just wanted to kick back and enjoy the exercises, getting happy for someone who could try to surpass her records and being generally cute and funny while doing so, kept everyone interested. A few retellings of how at first Naoko perceived her friend’s absurd take on the newly arrived athletics member and how Rin turned out to be an easily excitable and hilarious company got not only the sports boys, but Rin’s friends, Miwa and all those around laughing. Naoko didn’t mention anything about her frights of competitions or boys, though, merely chalking her acts to some kind of positive, small eccentricity of the blond girl.

  When they got away to return to their classes, Rin looked completely ecstatic. Finally getting to recover from her petrification, she seemed capable of flying with the amount of overjoyed gestures she made while talking about her thumping, high-frequency heartbeats and how the experience was thrilling. She got afraid the boys were laughing from her supposed strangeness, but Naoko and the other girls quickly related it’s the other way around: they seemed to love her upbeat ways, or at least what Naoko told them about her, and seemed totally interested in knowing better that cute and amusing girl.

  That reassurance made Rin smile brighter than the sun and frenetically talk in awe and disbelief about how her meeting with the sportsmen, especially the senior boys, was a memory she’d forever cherish. The way she excitedly spoke about it, an unknowing listener could imagine she’s the first person to establish well-documented communication between Earth and a friendly alien race of identical physiognomy that’d forever change humanity’s take on life, the universe, itself and so many other aspects. Said listener would probably be disappointed when discovering it’s just about a girl getting introduced to a group of boys and being barely able to speak her own name while at it. Still, Rin looked so grateful and exultant, like she’d won some big championship, that Naoko couldn’t be happier for her friend.

  On this occasion Naoko also got to meet Rin’s class friends and introduce the blond girl to Miwa and the others from 2-5. Unfortunately the break was over quickly, because the two groups actually got along well thanks to the funny friendship of the two. Later telling Miwa and her classmates about her karaoke with Rin – or at least the part Rin wasn’t scared half way to death – Naoko got them interested in joining a singing session any Saturday after school – provided Miwa could find a way not to bypass her obligations of taking care of her younger brother. The group returned to the classroom in such a lively mood, laughing and talking frantically, that it startled the people already there, silently waiting for the teacher’s arrival.

  From there the day remained nice. Even the sourpuss woman from the karate dojo didn’t spoil the fun. Naoko used the commuting time to read the comic book Rin lent her, and while it really only briefly scratched the surface of the stock market subject, it nevertheless got her curious to learn more about it. Also the story, while very simple, was nice for a pastime.

  Naoko could already feel her various body conditioning trainings making a difference, she’s even able to do her daily homework after arriving on her dorm room, and while she’s tired for brain activity intense studies like the ones from her school or her musical theory, the ones revolving around training her voice and imagining dancing steps were not a problem. She’s initially reticent on doing vocal exercises loudly, but there were no nearby neighbors and she didn’t care too much if others heard her, as long as she didn’t disturb them and vice-versa. On a sad tone, though, Naoko “discovered” the fruits she’d been gifted were eaten when she groped the package and found out the one that was already in her mouth was the last one.

  The following day was just as fantastic, including some small talk with a few senior students on the rooftop terrace again that got her classmates impressed and showering her with questions when she tried to eat. The theatrical play of the Drama club she somehow got into was the only thing worrying her. To complicate matters club president Chiasa got big ideas on her mind, that much was clear from the instant she grouped everyone to explain the current situation:

  “For those of you who left as soon as last meeting was over, let me introduce a new member of the Drama club, 2-5 student Yano Naoko. For those who don’t know, Naoko-Chan is a new I.S.S.G. idol, and she came asking if she could use the theater to practice. She joined us over the condition she got a few hours of rehearsal time and a central spot on our play.”

  “That’s my producer’s idea, guys!” embarrassed, Naoko quickly noted.

  “Yes, it’s true” Chiasa confirmed with an excited smile, “To return the favor, her producer accepted a few terms. Naoko-Chan will perform a special show here to raise food for charity, and it’ll also give the Drama club quite the visibility. Our own play will follow suit. Because of it, we’ll also have her agency’s help on the promotion of the play! Hence her central spot. We’re expected to help her increase her fan club counter of registered members, too, so the promotion gets more effective, so let’s do our best, everyone. Furthermore, we’ll be able to watch Naoko-Chan’s singing rehearsals! But bear in mind, everyone: it’s just that, a rehearsal, not a show, so she’s bound to make mistakes and retakes, so please be supportive to her so she can get better and better, both for her career and for our sake! And, last but certainly not least, her producer agreed on a most generous donation of one hundred thousand Yen to help our club!”

  Everyone applauded effusively. Even Shiori, who looked more miserable than ever and was the only one who didn’t seem thrilled, got shocked by the last part. Naoko herself forced a smile to cover her agape, surprised mouth. Chiasa told the thirty-some members:

  “Thanks to it, this year we’ll probably don’t need to take money from our own pockets for the costumes! Following our tradition, we’ll still buy cloths and other materials and sew our own garments, though, both for those who’ll be here the next year to know how it’s done and so we can save cash for backgrounds, invitations and scenic objects. We’ll still do our customary fund raising campaigns for the same reasons, so stay sharp, everyone! Okay then, let’s begin?”

  The stage exercises for interpretation took the majority of the meeting since the narrative that would be played was still not decided. Chiasa and a few senior students seemed to know a lot about the subject and constantly brought techniques they’ve researched to show the others. From relaxation to character interpreting, memory training, voice projection, diction and acting exercises and more, there was a myriad of things to learn. Despite Naoko’s aversion to theater plays, she could see many applications of those teachings on her job, so it hooked her attention.

  While some of the exercises were very strange, borderline embarrassing to do like trying to feel and interpret a madman or screaming the vowels A, I, U, E and O as loud as she could in unison with the others, they’re actually fun. After overcoming the initial shock and uneasiness, Naoko found herself laughing of a few uncanny theatrical practices but performing them anyway and enjoying doing so. Even looking the shy Shiori trying to yell or getting red as a strawberry when being required to incorporate the mindset of a crazy person and act in accordance was hilarious.

  Though the introverted girl had huge difficulties to let loose, she tried hard to overcome them. In a sense, it was reminiscent of Rin struggling with her fears, which made Naoko develop a little more sympathy for the girl with the glasses even if she acted aversively to Naoko.

  Not to mention all those exercises really helped Naoko both with technical aspects and in getting comfortable with the others. She noticed that after she started to have fun, what looked excruciating became rather pleasant.
All the theatrical rehearsals she had in her life before focused exclusively on performing a specific character in a specific play, and not in developing the actors and actresses’ abilities to do so. To memorize lines of a script was a pain for Naoko and she’s still hesitant about the moment when it started to happen, but so far it’s better than she imagined.

  The sun was setting when it ended. Shiori escaped in the first opportunity she got, but Takumi, Chiasa and many others decided to stay to watch her first musical rehearsal. Before the start of the session at the Drama club Naoko was apprehensive about having to practice in front of the members, but the crazy exercises she made along with others and the fun she had made her feel right at home. The dancing still got her a bit worried, but applying all she had learned so far about relaxing on the Drama club, on her Sunday lessons and from the experience that came from Rin’s unfounded fears to dance in front of her friend at the karaoke, she put her anxiety aside. She’s surrounded by friends there too. They knew that was a practice session and that mistakes would certainly happen. Most importantly, she could demand they supported her efforts or she could send them packing for not respecting their side of the deal. Remembering herself of all those things and letting the funny craziness that lingered after interpreting a mad person fill her with a nonsensical disregard for the opinions of others, she put herself to practice the few songs that she’d already trained during her classes the Sunday before.

  The stage seemed immense for just one person. Naoko wondered how she was expected to make use of it all to receive a good score in the Stage Presence subcategory of Dancing. It puzzled her even more that the double stage she saw on the show Aratani let her watch was many sizes bigger, but all idols seemed to occupy it like they were giants, whereas Naoko felt like an ant in her school theater one. Though she still hadn’t learned how to move around, so it’s okay.

  She went backstage and changed to an attire she’d yet to experiment, but which Aratani had bought exclusively for stage use. A three-tiered red and black miniskirt, a frilled and laced sleeveless crimson dress-like shirt, a pair of black gloves and her black platform boots. When she turned the background music on and went back onstage she’s met by astounded expressions by all the girls. The boys, on the other hand, all had the most unassuming countenance as if they tried too hard to compensate the astonishment the girls felt free to express by looking way too casual. Their frozen mien, hardly blinking eyes and the sepulchral silence they made betrayed their apparent nonchalant aspects. The girl knew guys well enough to see through the masquerade of their self-control working feverously not to let them act too wondered. For as much as she understood and appreciated the respectful behavior, though, it’s kind of underwhelming to dress in a way she though so charming only to be met by boys with poker faces. Cowards. She wouldn’t hold it against them for showing a little appreciation, as long as it was courteous.

  Naoko focused on singing and getting her choreography right while not forgetting to maintain the spread legs idle and a smile. There were so many things to remember she felt like she’s juggling ten balls at the same time and constantly forgetting something. But eventually it began to sink in that she should only stand still with legs apart, meaning one less thing to worry. Her constant smile began to tire her face muscles after some time and she started to worry she’d look like that eternally grinning Katsuro weirdo, so she let her mouth sing naturally without tension and only smile when she wasn’t saying anything. Little by little she began to get the feeling of how it worked.

  The first music-stopping mistake she committed made Naoko lose part of her supposed indifference for others’ opinions, though, and the girl nervously glanced to the audience. They remained as composed as ever, as if nothing had happened. Once again Naoko reminded herself she’s overreacting like Rin when the girl was afraid and kept on. It’s annoying that she had to remind herself many times the same thing until it gradually got absorbed by her brain as a natural modus operandi to be. Slowly but surely her doubts diminished. In the same proportion, a hard to describe pleasure grew on her. Naoko never thought she’d feel anything more than embarrassment dancing in front of an audience, but once she felt at ease it got immensely satisfying. It’s hard for an arguably humble girl like Naoko to admit it, but deep down she found herself enjoying being watched and applauded way more than she thought she would. She could easily see herself getting used to it.

  There were a few things harder to get used to, however. She’d already noticed on her dancing classes that her long hair wobbled a lot. It irritated her, but instructor Sato Mayumi told her it looked very pretty, so she decided not to give it attention and press on. Moreover, it was harder to dance wearing a miniskirt than wearing mini shorts, like she thought, and it required her to be doubly careful not to fall from her platforms. It’s an insidiously risky combination, though her choreographies presented no complex elements that could favor a trip over. As long as she’s careful, things should be fine.

  Two hours were allotted for practice, far too long for the audience to watch the same four songs replayed again and again, no matter how much they liked it. One by one the students went away between songs, bowing respectfully as they did so. If before the club session Naoko wished nothing more than to practice alone, the presence of the supporting spectators was so pleasing she got wishing they stayed longer. Despite twenty-six of the thirty-four club members being around for the rehearsal at first, it seemed a lot less than that in such a big theater, and each one that went away made it even emptier.

  About twenty minutes left to the end of her practice her cellphone rang on the backstage. Excusing herself and taking a mental note to always silence it before going on a stage, the girl turned the music off and answered it. Her producer’s slightly tense voice greeted her:

  “Naoko-Chan? Aratani Kouta here. Can you talk right now or are you busy?”

  “Produ-San!” Naoko eagerly replied, “I’m rehearsing my songs! It’s incredible! At first I wanted to punch you for letting the Drama club members watch my practice, but it’s amazing! I loved it!... Hey! I just remembered! Did you promise to give one hundred thousand Yen for the club?! I know it’s none of my business and I believe in your expense planning, but… are you sure about this?”

  Her producer, unwinding, spoke in his characteristic tranquil voice:

  “If I tell Naoko-Chan how much it costs anywhere in Tokyo to rent a simple, non-acoustic saloon without built-in speakers or illumination for just one hour you’re probably going to understand why a onetime payment of one hundred thousand Yen for six hours per week use of a real theater is a no-brainer. Also, you’re going to be a central figure in your play and lots of people will know about the event, we need to make sure it looks good. I didn’t “give” money to your club, I “invested” it. As soon as the media get to know a new idol’s employing her talents to raise awareness of a noble cause and food donations to a charity it’ll more than pay itself up.”

  “I… had no idea you’d thought this through like this, Produ-San! Well played.” Naoko had to admit, “Though I’m curious: I understand it’ll revert back to us in the form of better image and more public awareness for us, but how does this revert back to money, exactly? I believe in Produ-San, I just don’t understand how it works.”

  “Companies want to associate their brands with reputable people,” he detailed, “The same way I told you they won’t want to have in their ads a trouble-making idol, it works the other way around too. You donate food, people respect you for your generosity, companies who want to look respectable call me to have you on their ads. The better your fame and social standing the more you’re worth to them. Remember your first work, that pillow ad that netted us a measly three hundred thousand Yen? Well, it’s already three times the amount we’ll be paying to your school Drama club, and trust me, it’s chump change compared to how much other ads can pay. A well-organized event like the one we’re talking about can net us seven-digit contracts even if Naoko-Chan is still
unknown by the general public. Got it?”

  “Oh, now I got it! You’re very smart, Produ-San!” Naoko happily complimented him, to what the young man drolly retorted, “Can you repeat that, please? I’ll record it so I can use it as my alarm. Nothing beats waking up in the morning with a cute voice saying “You’re very smart, Produ-San! You’re very smart, Produ-San!”. I think I’ll even make it my ringtone too.”

  Playfully letting her voice turn sour, Naoko implied while smiling:

  “Very smart indeed. A little too smart for your own good. Just saying.”

  “Point taken,” Aratani said, and his voice got a slightly more serious tone, “Listen, Naoko-Chan, I have good news and bad news. Well, not exactly bad, but still.”

  Losing her smile, the girl listened more carefully.

  “Good news is that we already have a contract for next week, and a few other companies are inches away from signing up with us too. Bad news is that, since we can’t really count on what’s not certain, we’ll have to take some extreme measures to make ends meet this week. Meaning a small ranked gig.”

  The girl stood a few seconds looking puzzled and trying to understand what she heard.

  “A gig? Okay, but where’s the bad news?”

  A loud laugh came from her cellphone. Unwinding, her producer said:

  “Well, I got all worked up and ready to apologize for putting you through an audition so early and Naoko-Chan dismisses it just like that. That’s golden. Like I said, it’s not bad news per se, but I rather not had put you through it so soon. I apologize for it and also for worrying you, if that’s the case. But again, that’s a last resort just for this week, only because we currently have no ad contracts for it. I plan never again needing to rely on last minute shows like this. I promise.”

  Only then Naoko understood why her producer was worried. She’s really going to present herself. Only two weeks after she had accepted her job! Trying not to concern herself, she asked:

  “Produ-San? Just tell me: do you think I’m currently able to… like… perform well?”

  Aratani took a moment to answer to that.

  “I won’t lie to you, Naoko-Chan. I’m a little worried. I’ve faith in you and I absolutely know you’d have no problems demolishing the competition if you had maybe two months of training. Your instructors speak highly of your, and I trust in them and in your capabilities. But with only two weeks of classes, plus a third next Sunday… I genuinely feel bad for putting you through this so soon. I’ll tell you more about it on Sunday, but don’t worry, I’ve chosen a beginner’s gig. You don’t even need to win, anywhere among the top five is fine. I have faith you can do it, but don’t be disheartened if things don’t go as planned. I mean, it’s not the end of the world if it happen. Also, I’ll be trying to close contracts for this week until the last minute, and if I manage to do it, which seems likely, there’ll be no need to get on the gig. I’m calling you just to let you know about it and to ask you to try and practice as much as you can during the rest of this week, just in case. Can you do it?”

  Even though her producer told her not to worry, there’s no way she’d be able to do that.

  “Hm… sure. Just… can you tell me what will happen if I can’t get among the top five?”

  “Hey, Naoko-Chan, don’t worry.” The man calmed her. Pausing silently for some time, he regretfully revealed, “Next time I’ll call you mentioning I have two good news, just so you don’t worry. Like I said, it’s not the end of the world. I’ll just have to take a small loan. I’d rather not, because I’ll have a small fixed interest rate I’ll have to pay even if I repaid the debt one minute after claiming it, but it’s no biggie. And we already have a contract for next week, so I’m guaranteed to pay off the debt in a few days. The only real downside’s that due to I.S.S.G.’s nonsensical policies, new agencies in debt gets a lot of extra bureaucracy to fill and a few penalties like no discounts in a couple of services, meaning I’ll have to pay the full price for your Sunday lessons next week. It could set us back a few bucks, but really, don’t stress over it. Things will be fine anyway, I’d just rather not go into debt and have unnecessary bureaucracy for me and, more importantly, for you to fill if I can avoid it. Trust me, it’s alright. Okay?”

  Aratani hung up only after apologizing for worrying her and reassuring if any contract appeared he’d cancel her participation at the gig, but nevertheless Naoko lost the will to dance during the last ten minutes she had. Still, that was the time when she needed to do it more than ever. Returning to the stage, she resumed her practice for the five spectators who’d stayed until the end: Chiasa, Takumi and three other boys. So preoccupied about her upcoming first show, the talk about loans and penalties and so on, she moved in stiff ways and her smiles got hard to believe. No one in the audience pointed it out and when the five, along with Naoko, went away they acted like nothing strange had taken place during the last three songs. They praised her skillfulness and cheerful ways. Chiasa also commended her on her marvelous outfit and overall prettiness, whereas the boys fell silent again and just agreed with unnecessarily emphatic nods. It alleviated some of her tension, though not all.

  It’s the first time Naoko really felt the exercises her instructor gave her to practice home were more than just pastimes. Of course she knew it’s part of her job, but so far it looked more like fun then work. Returning to her dorms two hours and some later than usual she found the janitor, Mr. Yamamoto, tending to the potted plants on the courtyard while a few pairs and trios of students stood talking nearby, appreciating the enjoyable night. Naoko couldn’t find in herself peace to do the same in spite of wishing to.

  She couldn’t take it off her head on Thursday, especially after Miwa pointed in the corridors a stunning senior girl who proudly carried a small metal necklace in the shape of the I.S.S.G.’s star and planets logo. There were seven tiny stars on its purple and navy-blue border, five being white and made of plastic and the other two being colored gems. She had short hair and was accompanied by four other girls. Despite smiling, she paid no mind to the people around her. Miwa mentioned that brunette girl, four inches lower than Naoko regardless of being one year older, was the only other idol their school had. While the idol looked cheerful, something told Naoko she was not very accessible. The two briefly exchanged looks as they passed by one another on the corridor, and the short idol, showing a semblance of interest, inquired suddenly, after they had already crossed:

  “Hey, you look a little familiar. Aren’t you the one who faced that gang boy from 3-3? The idol some people talk about?”

  Naoko stopped and turned back. Evaluating the pretty girl with a confident smile that questioned her, she agreed, introducing herself:

  “I’m Yano Naoko, from 2-5. Nice to meet you.”

  The four girls that accompanied the idol opened space on the corridor, though the idol didn’t seem to have that kind of common sense. She introduced herself with a rather average voice from the middle of the hallway:

  “I’m from 3-2. Sky idol Fujisue Reiko. Nice knowing you. I can’t see your medallion, though. What’s your class, Naoko-Chan?”

  Reiko was either too friendly or too upfront to call Naoko by her name without her consent like that right on the first time they met. Sure, she was on the third year and was, thus, Naoko’s senpai, so she’s not expected to be as respectful as the girl from second year, but that was a little uncalled for. Since it’s a little nuisance, though, Naoko let that slip. She’d be more impressed about her Sky idol rank if she hasn’t forced the girl to state her own class:

  “I don’t think I have any medallions…”

  Losing part of her interest, Reiko seemed slightly disappointed, though not enough to break the conversation:

  “Ah. A Dark idol. For how long have you been there?”

  “Since the second week of this month, I think,” Naoko retorted.

  Regaining some of her interest, Reiko started to say something, but got quiet until two students had passed in
front of her – in fact, she was the one in the way, despite getting slightly annoyed with the others for “their” intromission. The first year girls lowered their heads and apologized while quickly passing between the two, clasping both hands in front of them as if they cut through the air. Only then Reiko said, interested:

  “That’s better, I thought Naoko-Chan had been an idol for some time already! The way some boys from my class seem to know you, it’s as if you’ve already been on the road for some time.” With an uplifting smile, she raised her fist in front of her chest and said, “I’ll tell you what I’d like people had told me when I started, then: don’t be discouraged, Naoko-Chan! Don’t lose sight of your dreams! It took me a year to get to the Sea class and another year and a half to reach Sky class! It takes time. Let’s see how long Naoko-Chan takes to reach Sea class! You look promising. Perhaps we’ll meet someday at an audition! Keep me informed, would you?”

  As they parted ways, Naoko was left with mixed feeling. She thanked Reiko for her encouraging words, though that girl seemed to lean a little on gratuitous rivalry. Also, while it’s good to know it took time, two years and a half to reach the second class was actually a discouraging statement. It could very well been a backhanded encouragement. Reiko looked a little self-centered and judgmental too, though she’s no doubt upfront and happy. At least she treated Naoko better than other people, giving her some importance too. Naoko didn’t know what to think about her. When Reiko discovered Naoko was still a Dark idol seemed to think less of her, but knowing the girl was only like that for less than two weeks somehow sparked her interest. She also sounded genuine enough when stating her wish to be informed about Naoko’s progress. If it was an attempt to compare each other to belittle Naoko or to measure if she was worthy of being her friend was hard to say, but her interest was the opposite of what Naoko would expect from a person wanting nothing. Maybe she really looked forward to a worthy rival. Her voice didn’t seem all that great, but it’s hard to say how well she performed on stages.

  Miwa was also uncertain about what to think. All she knew was that people usually respected Reiko but found her too unreachable, albeit charismatic in some sense. For good or for bad that girl became yet another thing to occupy her mind. Luckily or not Naoko and Reiko hardly met since they’re on different school years and also their classrooms were on different floors. At least until Naoko was promoted she expected Reiko not to be a frequent appearance in her life.

  It was only on Friday that Naoko managed to get some respite of her doubts after training with Rin on the Athletics club. She looked so happy when she was informed her friend would be performing for the first time that she couldn’t stop asking questions and commenting on how it would be a treat to watch. Rin apologized for not being able to since her family restricted her to do lots of things, but she would be rooting for her. Though there was no Drama club session that day, Naoko had the theater held in reserve for her rehearsal. Before Rin even asked if she could, her friend invited her to watch at least a little of her practice, mentioning she’d ask for permission if needed.

  To have Rin as the only audience was a delight. The girl had private classes in an hour so she regretfully told her she could only stay a few minutes, but it’s enough to cheer Naoko up. When she left the auditorium felt an unsettling void, and for the first time the girl discovered she’d rather have it full than empty. To sing to nobody was disconcerting, and she found out she performed better when others cheered for her than when there’s no one to do so. It was an eye-opening experience. On the other hand, at least she could focus on her choreography. She’d already practiced the same four three-minute long songs for four hours last Sunday and for two more in her school theater, not mentioning the visualization sessions she’d been practicing every free time she had, so besides starting to get tired of them she gradually got the hang of it on yet another two hours of practice.

  The choreographies were simple, the easiest one enough to get her seven points out of twenty in that subcategory and the hardest, nine. This in an entry-level, Sea class gig, which was the lowest possible rank besides the unofficial Dark idol class in which Naoko was. According to her dancing instructor, as classes increased the exigencies did so too, so a choreography worth nine points in a Sea class competition would hardly be worth more than one in a Water class gig.

  Her instructor told her the secret at the beginning was not to want lots of points in high-level choreographies, but rather to focus on Execution. Judges could see when an idol choose a high-score choreography she wasn’t capable of performing properly, and had many ways of penalizing her. The reason being I.S.S.G.’s business was to provide entertainment, and idols that fumbled lots of complicated moves were not entertaining. If many started doing it, that could even tarnish the company’s reputation. As such, the corporation encouraged idols to perform simple dances well instead of complex ones in a bad way. Not to mention judges tended to have more sympathy to girls who fulfilled what they committed themselves to execute, even if a simple performance, than those who promise the impossible and fall short.

  An eight-point choreography for a Sea class presentation was easy even for rookies to master and could easily net sixteen or more points in Execution if well-performed. If Naoko made good use of bonuses, like her attire difficulty multipliers, she could amp those scores by a reasonable margin, whereas an idol who tried and failed to perform harder dances could end up not only with very low Execution scores but also with penalties, though her instructor hadn’t delve in details about how it worked. Just that Naoko’s initial fears she’d be undercut by her excessively humble choreographies were unfounded and that, provided she danced well, she had every chance to beat a high-level step routine from an unprepared competing idol.

  There was also another component she had to take into consideration: on the few initial classes the gigs were usually small. They occurred in small show houses, restaurants, a few private parties companies threw for their employees and so on. As such most venues had only tiny stages, fit for a singer but not really for dancing. Some were so tiny that Stage Presence wasn’t even scored by judges, because even if the idol stood still she’d already be making use of most of the space available. A complex choreography like the ones Metal and Water-class idols performed were only suited for big stages. For a beginner idol, an overly complex choreography full of jumps and wide moves was not only unrequired but could also be detrimental due to stage size. Since there’s no way to know beforehand the amount of space she’d have to dance, the safest bet was to train simple choreographies. Worst-case scenario the idol would have to move around between movements and poses to make use of all the space, but that was no big problem.

  Naoko focused a lot of her attention on her dancing skills, because she’s already an arguably good singer as far as her instructors told her. She could remember their words clearly. Her voice was tuned and melodious, excellent by the average person’s standards and still good by idol’s ones even though she had no previous training. There’re only little occurrence of noises due to a lack of technical capacitation so far, easily remediable with vocal practices, and her most glaring flaw was still minimal and would only negatively influence her scores on the mid classes onwards, and only by marginal amounts. It’s about a flute-like feel to nasal sounds due to her small internal septum deviation. It wasn’t externally visible, but it affected the way the air moved inside her nasal cavity and influenced especially nasalized sounds.

  Thankfully most songs made for females to sing had little or no use for such, so as long as she stayed away from the few lyrics that did and refrained from humming onstage too much she’d be fine. True to it, the only resonating sounds required by the songs her singing instructor asked she trained were produced in her throat or chest, though she’d given the girl home exercises for nasalization. The septum deviation was only a nuisance because it forced Naoko to breathe through the mouth, and on especially dry, polluted or cold weather the air could affect her vocal c
hords or, on extreme circumstances, damage her larynx. It wouldn’t happen if air was inhaled through the nose since it is naturally moistened, warmed and purified as it flows through the nasal apparatus. She’d have to take special care of herself under such adverse climate conditions, but that was currently nothing to worry about.

  She never though singing could have so many technicalities, but overall she’s a good songstress even still not knowing the theory behind it that could help her to improve beyond regular standards of excellence. Her main concern at the time was getting her dances right. Since she’s alone it’s possible for her to slack off a bit, but the fear of not being ready for the upcoming competition made her sustain an almost uninterrupted streak. In two hours she’s able to practice each of the four songs nine times from beginning to end.

  She went back to her dorms room exhausted. Like usual at that hour the janitor tended to the plants, his eyes passionate and his movements unhurried. There were not that many plants on the courtyard, but he took forever on this task when compared to how agile he was to solve every other thing. Naoko got to her dorms, ate, took a shower, discovered she’d forgotten to put out the trash from the past few days, changed back on to casual wear to bring the non-combustible trash out – each type of trash had a specific day to be collected – and when she got back again on ground floor Yamamoto-San was still at it.

  The students that sat around on that warm night didn’t even bat an eye to him, but the man caressed the leaves and even whispered to them. Naoko, for one, found that soothing and amusing, though that was the kind of thing most people wouldn’t care about. Liking plants for the prettiness they granted to an ambient but not really having the discipline to tend to them, Naoko merely enjoyed what a few individuals like the janitor were capable of. It’s mildly entertaining and very relaxing to watch him prune and pamper the vegetation, though she could only stand to do it for a minute tops.

  It reminded all the relaxation techniques she learned, and put them to use after doing her homework. By that time Naoko was already so tired she soon fell asleep. She always dreamed but generally forgot what she dreamed about, though that time was different. Even after awaking she still retained a fragment of it, where she was trapped in a catacomb-like room with only two doors and the water-level rising. There were two tigers there, one protecting each exit. One looked very old, ugly and weak but also famished and prone to attack if she got close, while the other was extremely young, gorgeous and robust but well-fed and, because of it, apparently not much of a threat as long as she didn’t behave improperly. She had the conviction she could try fighting her way out through the penurious tiger, though not only it still posed a big risk but she didn’t want to harm any animals if she could avoid. Also, she loved tigers: after all, they’re such powerful and imposing creatures.

  Since the water-level gradually rose, she needed to get away or she’d drown, so she walked slowly towards the strong and well-fed tiger. The big feline just lied in front of the door, but his muscular mass blocked it from opening. She had to make it move somehow, and fast, but not in a threatening way. Then she remembered having her lunchbox filled with delectable food, her favorite ones, that even she wanted to prove, and her cellphone inside it for some strange, dream-like reason. Maybe the food would draw it out, but not only the animal seemed very well-fed and unlikely to budge just because of food, it could also prompt the hungry tiger to strike her. However, her cellphone began to ring from inside of the lunchbox, putting Naoko on a dilemma of opening it or not.

  She eventually did so, and the famished tiger slowly began to crawl in her direction, crouching menacingly. The desperate girl answered her cellphone to discover it was Aratani calling her to ask where she was, because she was late for her birthday party. The desperate girl explained the preposterous situation, to which her producer, in a cool voice, suggested her to interact with the bulky tiger. She should bow down respectfully but not show any fear or it’d eat her alive the second it sensed her apprehension. Then she should invite the tiger to her party too. She wasn’t supposed to make any big claims about it because the party would be rather small, and as soon as the giant animal arrived at that and felt frustrated he’d also devour her. But she also shouldn’t downplay the fun of her party, or he’d not be interested and wouldn’t move. And she should not think about the tiger, but about the enjoyment of the party, because the animal seemed scary and vastly superior on the interaction between the two. On the happy party, however, she’s the star and the tiger merely another guest, though he’d still be a guest of honor.

  She had to be respectful but not fearful, humble but honest and centered on fun but not egotistical. As the girl did that the tiger moved, Naoko mounted on it and they both crossed the door in time to narrowly evade the famished animal behind and the rising waters. It wasn’t the complete dream, but merely its final part or so it seemed, because it’s the only one Naoko recalled. Dreams never seemed to make sense, but for some reason it lingered on her memory.

  Raining clouds amassed on Saturday, though the forecast for Sunday was sunny. The group on the Athletics club got on bicycles provided by the school for the triathlon training and Naoko lost the count of how many laps she and Rin did around the racetrack. When assessing her times, Naoko surprisingly got first place, surpassing even the girl who’s always first on every other event. She used her bike a lot back on her hometown, and though Shimabara had quite a few plane streets near the sea, it also sported numerous inclines elsewhere. The previous first-place student had faster laps on the beginning, but she couldn’t maintain her pace for as long as Naoko did and eventually fell to second place. Rin, being third even before Naoko carved a new record, wasn’t concerned about that event, but was overjoyed nevertheless by her friend’s results. The same couldn’t be said about the previous champion, but Naoko was fed up with others disliking her for being better than them and simply ignored the vexed girl. People on the Athletics club hardly ever spoke to one another, so there’s no reason for any of the two to talk either way.

  Once they finished training, Rin showed Naoko a charming ramen shop she knew about after discovering her friend loved that kind of food when both talked about lunching together. Once again the place was expensive but excellent, prompting the guest to joke about going bankrupt if she went out with Rin every Saturday. Rain started to pour as soon as they got to the bar-like venue, anyway, so all the other plans both created for that afternoon and evening were cancelled and Naoko simply invited the blond girl over to her place again.

  Rin was more than happy with it, but Naoko felt doubly so. Not only was friend always fun to be with but that way Naoko had no time to think about the forthcoming show. As soon as they got to her room, Rin started talking about her discoveries on the speedrunning subject she did during the week. Naoko, on the other hand, apologized for only having read about three chapters of the first volume of the manga her friend lent her because of her rehearsals. While they watched more speedrun videos and Naoko talked about her doubts for the next day Rin said:

  “Rin couldn’t imagine Naoko-Chan would be anxious about anything! She’s able to sing and dance on the karaoke and in front of thirty Drama club members, and she’s never afraid of boys! She even spoke her mind freely and conquered everyone’s attention on the rooftop that day! Naoko-Chan single-handedly conducted the conversation and made all the senpai and everyone else laugh and have a good time!”

  “But that’s different from being in a show where one hundred or so people paid for a good presentation,” Naoko claimed, “It’s my job, and people expect I perform well. Also, if I don’t rank among the top five my agency will go into debt, even if just for a week. That’s what my producer told me, at least, but who knows if he’s not euphemizing it just to make me not worry?”

  “Is it this serious?!” Rin questioned in a concerned voice. Naoko, noticing she had troubled her friend, quickly tried to go back on her words, “Nah, probably not. I’m just nervous and getting worked up fo
r nothing. My producer’s not one to lie, if he says things will be fine even if I fail, I bet it’ll be this way. Sorry for making Rin-Chan worry.”

  “But… but is Naoko-Chan sure?!” Rin insisted, “Is there anything Rin can do to help?!”

  Pinching Rin’s cute cheeks, Naoko smiled warmly.

  “Aw, you’re totally, irresistibly adorable! Thanks for the support, Rin-Chan! Just having you by my side cheering me up is already a huge help!”

  “But that’s not enough to help Naoko-Chan perform better or her agency not facing the risk of going into debt…” Rin desolately replied. Suddenly her eyes brightened up, “Oh, I know, I know! Rin can subscribe on Naoko-Chan’s fan club! More fans mean you get more visibility and people get to go more on your shows, right?! I can invite the people on my online networks to subscribe too! Hopefully they’d do the same for others and your fan club will grow bigger!”

  “I’m really grateful, but that’s not necessary, really…” Naoko tried to explain, but Rin was already at it. Using a nice, next-gen cellphone she decorated with countless spangles, fake gemstones and shiny, glittering patterns that made it as discreet as a hundred fireworks exploding all at once, she looked for Naoko’s fan club. After subscribing and sending invitations, the girl browsed the thumbnail-sized photos of people already on her fan list.

  “Oh, look! It’s a guy from my class! He’s your fan too, Naoko-Chan!”

  “He’s part of the Drama club,” Naoko replied after glancing over his photo.

  “I know this one… and this one… There’s quite a few people from school, right?”

  “Yeah,” Naoko agreed, “most of them subscribed after watching those videos where…”

  “Hey! Look! Isn’t this that ex-gang member boy you argued with on those videos?” Rin asked in awe, pointing to a small photo of Daiki with his regular frown, “That’s amazing! Naoko-Chan manages to get even boys she fight with to like her! Oh, I wanted so badly to be like Naoko-Chan!... Oh, let’s see who’s your first fan!... Hm. Yeah. He looks like a happy guy!”

  The instant Naoko glanced back to her friend’s sparkling cellphone and saw a maniac-like grin, her spine chilled. Katsuro had been the first person to subscribe as her fan!

  “Well, that explains his strangely accurate hunch about my liking of manga back at the washhouse, when he told me it’s just because other people were saying that on the school corridors…” Naoko thought out loud, and since her friend didn’t seem to understand, she explained, “There a section in the fan club where my producer included information about me like blood type and preferences. This boy Katsuro probably saw it. He’s the one who gifted me all those manga.”

  “He looks fun!” Rin commented while looking for said section, and before Naoko could tell her how Katsuro really was the blond girl exclaimed, “Naoko’s an A+?! What?!”

  “Whatever’s that supposed to mean.” Naoko retorted. Rin immediately explained in a passionate way, “Blood type affects people’s personalities! Like Rin! Rin is an O+! O-type are optimistic, easily excitable, flexible and energetic people! They’re unfortunately a little airheaded and a few can be very irresponsible! I know that’s a trait of mine I’m very careful about! But Naoko-Chan being an A-type? A-types are serious, cool, reliable and fair, usually intelligent but also a little stubborn and judgmental! Rin… Rin’s confused…”

  “Rin-Chan… do you really believe in these superstitions?” Naoko asked, to which Rin eagerly replied, “But they’re not superstitions! There are lots of studies attesting its reliability!”

  “Yeah, it looked very reliable in my case!” Naoko stated sarcastically, “Forget about it, the only thing you discover when you see a person’s blood type is A+ is that you can kill her in a blood transfusion if you inject B or AB types. It’s like trying to grasp someone’s personality by his or her name. I can attest it doesn’t work. And so can you, right? “Rin” is written with the same character for “cold”, and yet you’re far from being a cold person, right?”

  “Yup!” Rin agreed, “But a name is something others give to you when you’re born! Or at any other time. It’s not a biological part of you like your blood type!”

  “Well… yeah, it kind of makes sense.” Naoko thought about it for a second, but then quickly contended that logic, “But then again, my hair and my skin colors are also part of my biology and I’m pretty sure they have no influence on my personality, intelligence or such.”

  “Waa! Naoko dislikes veggies!” Rin brusquely interjected, changing her focus back to the fan club’s facts about Naoko in a heartbeat and leaving her friend disoriented, “And loves ramen! Which I already knew. And candies! We’re practically twins! And… meat? Oh, well! That’s good too, I suppose! Oh, oh, look! Naoko-Chan likes cats too!”

  “Cats?” Naoko asked, reading the page carefully while still trying to follow the blond girl’s rollercoaster-like train of thoughts, “It says “felines”, not “cats” there.”

  “What’s the difference?” Rin asked, “You like all felines in general? Like lions and panthers too?”

  “Yeah, they’re nice,” Naoko replied, to the astonishment of her friend, “though when my producer asked what real-life animal I liked the most and I told him it were tigers he put “felines” there just not to cause trouble. He said it could shock people.”

  “Tigers?! Naoko-Chan likes tigers the most?! What about kitty cats?!”

  “They’re okay,” she agreed, “I had one back in Shimabara, though it usually lived in the streets and only came home for supper. I still like dogs better as far as domestic animals go, but my favorite ones are still tigers.”

  “What is there to like in tigers?!” Rin asked, “They’re dangerous! And not cute!”

  “Yes, they’re dangerous and not cute! I like them exactly because of it! They’re capable of tearing anything apart without so much as breaking a sweat, and looking cool at the same time! They’re so badass! What’s there not to love in those powerful, majestic creatures?!” Naoko replied. Suddenly something came to her mind. The memory of a lunatic meeting with two tigers in a flooding catacomb. Blown away by the unexpected reminiscence, she told, “Now that you’re saying about tigers, I remembered a dream I had last night that coincidentally involved tigers.”

  Rin’s thrilled eyes sparkled brighter than her cellphone and the girl instantly asked to know about it. Letting the speedrun video unfold to nobody, Naoko forced herself to recall her dream and, little by little, pieced together the fragments as she, amused by its craziness, retold it. Rin also laughed while her hilarious friend related an already absurd story in an even more outrageous way. Still, when it’s over her guest began to joyfully reflect while speaking:

  “Naoko-Chan’s dream is amusing! Hm… it shows some kind of conflict or impasse as far as Rin can tell! Like you had two choices, between a poor and dangerous route and a prosperous and relatively safe one! Though you’re on a time for some reason and the one Naoko-Chan chose could very likely destroy her if she made something wrong, hence a big anxiety! And you cited a party you’re supposed to attend? One your producer had invited you?”

  “Huh… yes,” not really understanding what her jolly friend was doing stating the obvious, but letting her be happy anyway, Naoko said, “After I answered the cellphone that was in my lunchbox.”

  “Right! A lunchbox filled with delicious food!” Rin spoke excitedly, thinking aloud, “Your favorite ones, right? Like… favorite… favorite… Like something… you like? Something that’s good for you? Good! Yes, something very good! Makes sense! You had something very good, but the famished, weak and ugly tiger prevented you from revealing it for some reason!”

  “What’s Rin-Chan attempting to do, anyway?” Naoko asked, getting curious.

  “Rin’s trying to decipher Naoko-Chan’s dream!” she explained with a vibrant smile, “Every dream has many meanings! Only it’s, like, codified in a way only the deepest parts of your mind can easily understand! We need to decode it to grasp i
ts meanings! That’s no coincidence, that’s synchronicity! It’s so exciting! It’s like an adventure into Naoko-Chan’s deeper self!”

  Skeptical, the girl asked if that was also part of her studies about blood-type and personality matching, but Rin denied it:

  “Nah, that’s because Rin studied a little bit of psychology! Rin goes on a therapist since Rin was ten! Before that, Rin was afraid of many things, like thunder, the number four and every animal with four legs. And mirrors, cars… Now Rin’s only anxieties are about boys and competitions! Rin’s almost free from her fears! Yay! And then I started to study a bit of psychology too! I discovered some sources from Europe that believed in a kind of deep part of the mind called the “Unconscious”! And a few authors go even beyond and mention it could be only the tip of a collective unconsciousness of sorts that linked people’s minds through their pasts and other hard to explain natural occurrences! Since most original books were in German, though, I decided to study that language! Well, not because of it per se, I already wanted to study German since I was little! One of Rin’s ancestors was German too! And he had such an adventurous life! Rin’s ancestor was a young merchant in Germany whose family’s specialties were Asian products! Then he had to leave everything behind when he was just seventeen due to Jew persecution and lost even his family! His father had many contacts over the world and a Chinese friend of him took him under his protection! They had many problems with the authorities, travelled the world and met fascinating people! He learned many languages and the tools of his trade and became a dashing explorer and trader, sometimes making shady businesses with the Chinese Triads and other mafias around the world! His adoptive father died in the meantime without heirs and my ancestor assumed the business! When the war was over he made a fortune almost overnight exporting goods to Japan! It’s around nineteen forty seven he met his soon to be bride and…”

  The way Rin unbelievably painted that story was so creative and captivating Naoko could clearly see it: her blond ancestor, who probably carried a retractable gun up his sleeve and ventured into millennia-old temples in search for riches met his future Japanese wife while he drove. And the charming man swept the girl on his arms as he drove by on a motorcycle. At high speed. Under the rain. While they were chased down by Chinese mafia goons. And he tried to save the world. Preventing secrets of a spring of eternal life in the Himalayas to fall on wrong hands. Driving among ruins of a destructed city. A very well-known city in a very likely place, like Malaysia, Kuwait or South Pole. With Peruvian temples and Egyptian pyramids on it. And bombs raining down around them. Two years after the end of the war. Because screw the logic.

  Obviously Rin hadn’t really mentioned these things, but the girl was so excited she made it look like her ancestor was more of a gallant thief than a merchant. It’s a very nice painting, although Naoko could see a “few” problems on her friend’s narration. Still, eventually Rin returned to the original subject, after a twenty minute digression:

  “…and that’s why I wanted to learn German! Oh, and also because of a few texts about psychology. They weren’t from Germany itself but were written in German nevertheless. But anyway! Dream interpretation is one of Rin’s favorite pastimes! Rin did that a lot in the past for herself! We can try to interpret Naoko-Chan’s dream if she wants!”

  After so many slightly suspicious accountings, Naoko was not very confident about the results they’d get to, but gave Rin a chance just for fun. Strangely, though, the things Rin helped Naoko uncover from her dream by asking her what came to her mind when she thought about every element that composed the narrative made sense. More sense than she expected, anyways. And while some aspects could be easily perceived on the girl just by knowing the stressful situation she was put in, others were not known even by Naoko herself, though they also felt very familiar when unearthed. It took both almost an hour to get to a conclusion, albeit part of it was due to Naoko’s inexperience in interpreting dreams and Rin’s tendency to digress.

  Basically, the choice between the old, hungry, ugly and weak tiger she could maybe defeat but didn’t want to and the young, pretty, strong and well-fed one was understood by Naoko to be the choice she made between keep living on her parents’ house, that well-known, old life with few perspectives and her father always censoring her, and her new life in the capital, full of opportunities. Tigers, though, were liked by the girl for their dangerousness and power, meaning even the young and well-fed one that marveled her could destroy her if she wasn’t careful. She’s on a timer from drowning because both she couldn’t stand her old situation anymore and wouldn’t be able to live on her old home for long, and because she had only so much time to make enough money to keep living in Tokyo and preventing her agency from getting into debts. The young tiger wouldn’t budge, too, the same way her problems wouldn’t solve themselves. She had to do something.

  She had a lunchbox full of delicious food even she wanted, but she was afraid to reveal it because the old tiger could attack her, much in the same way she had many qualities she used to hide fearing her father would censor her harshly. It’s Aratani’s voice calling for her that made her open the box, the same way it’s her producer who helped her free herself both from her old house and lifestyle, but also from mental shackles that made her afraid to dress to impress, sing and dance for others and reveal a few of her qualities. Things she was born with or that composed her, like her prettiness, cheerfulness and honesty that her father criticized. Though by doing so she got the old tiger slowly crawl in her direction, the same way Naoko, now free from some of her bindings, feared she could be sent back home due to a failed business attempt if they didn’t get the money they needed in time. Even then, Aratani mentioned she was late for her own party and instructed her about what to do to get through her problems unscathed.

  She had to be respectful but not fearful, humble but honest and centered on the fun she could provide but not egotistical. Doing so, she’s expected to invite the young, powerful tiger to her party. The tiger could easily rip her to shreds if she’s not careful the same way the fans and the audience could undermine her career from the get-go if she committed some mistakes. Namely, be frozen by fear instead of merely respecting the audience, or not respecting them at all; not promising more than she could deliver for it could create frustration, but also don’t promise any less than her best or the public could be uninterested in giving her a chance. And also not focusing on the audience, for they were many and she, only one. Conversely, if she only thought about herself, she could ignore mistakes she could commit that the spectators would not tolerate. She had to find a balance, because she’s the star of her party. An idol in a show. The audience was not the focus, but her, though a party without guests was no party at all. They were important, though she couldn’t concentrate on them or her fears would paralyze her. By doing all of it, she’s able to mount on the tiger in her dream and narrowly escape, much in the same way she could also gain the audience’s favor and ride her way to freedom.

  Watching Rin ask her questions and slowly make sense of an apparently absurd story, like all dreams seemed, the girl gradually shifted from skepticism to curiosity and then awe. Despite believing in things Naoko though to be superstitions, like the blood-type and personality links, Rin was actually capable of interpreting a dream and revealing things even Naoko didn’t know about her own self. Or, like the blond girl explained, simply wasn’t consciously aware of it, but knew unconsciously. Of course, it wasn’t Rin who made sense of the dream, but Naoko herself, as she answered her friend’s questions about the first things that came to her mind when she thought about tigers, water, parties and so on. Her friend wasn’t even aware of Naoko’s tense relationship with her own parents or the answers to her fears regarding her oncoming show, she couldn’t simply have said those things out of the blue hoping they’d be right. The conclusion was too spot-on to be left to chance. Seriously impressed, Naoko inquired:

  “I can’t believe it! That was amazing! How do
you know how to do it?!”

  “Rin told Naoko-Chan!” the girl explained with her cutely high-pitched, animated voice, “Rin studied a little bit of psychology and have a therapist for six years now! Actually, Rin learned how to interpret dreams because Rin had horrible nightmares every night! Recurrent nightmares! Rin couldn’t even sleep and was having problems at school! So Rin’s parents looked for help from a renowned psychologist that used dream interpretations, and Rin’s therapist taught Rin how to interpret her dreams and how to create a dream diary! Rin stopped having nightmares in less than a month, but she liked the process so much she still do it every day even now! Rin’s unconsciousness teaches Rin lots of things, though some are very hard to accept and apply. Rin’s still not capable of doing a few things even after years of warnings! Like Rin’s fears of talking to boys! It’s like Naoko-Chan’s dream, that tells her not to fear the audience and focus on herself, but not exactly how’s she supposed to do it. Rin knows Rin’s fears of boys and of competitions come from Rin’s fears of rejection, but it’s still hard to find a way to solve it! But compared to who Rin was, Rin’s much, much better now! That’s how Rin knows it! Hey! I know, I know! Does Naoko-Chan wants Rin to teach her how to interpret her own dreams? This way Rin can repay Naoko-Chan for trying to help her overcoming her fears of singing and talking to boys! And for helping her not to have to compete in the Athletics club’s future competitions! And teaching about games! And a lot of other things! How about it?!”

  Impressed, Naoko replied smiling:

  “That’s incredible! Looking at Rin-Chan, who’s always so cute, sweet, upbeat and happy, I never would’ve guessed she had to overcome so many hardships in the past! I seriously doubt I’ve helped Rin-Chan nearly as much as she says, though. But I’m still at it! And yes, I’d love to learn about how to interpret dreams! Thanks a bunch! It seems awesome! Like magic powers!”

  “Isn’t it?!” Rin exclaimed, her eyes gleaming enthusiastically, “It’s almost like you could read your own mind!”

  With an excited smile frozen for a second, Naoko reduced it and replied:

  “Huh… Rin-Chan? You make it look far less awesome when you put it like that…”

  She tried to make sense of it by talking about the differences between Consciousness and Unconsciousness, and things that could be beyond that in the mental and social realms, but Rin was no specialist in psychology and her train of thoughts was too convoluted to maintain an explanation for more than two minutes without getting sidetracked. As such, they quickly changed subjects to other matters and Naoko was left to piece the confusing information by herself. Though she ended up no closer to understanding how to interpret a dream than she was before the beginning of the conversation, the interpretation of the dream of the two tigers was a shocking experience that left her calmer, albeit puzzled. She paid it no mind after the subject was dropped and while Rin was on her room, as the two discussed about boys, games, songs, preferences and more. Naoko finished reading the manga her friend lent her so the blond girl could take it back and taught the blond girl how to cook rice to create simple onigiri – rice balls.

  With apparently no experience preparing anything other than instant noodles on a microwave oven, Rin was a disaster in the kitchen, but whatever she learned, no matter how basic, thrilled her. For a girl with knowledge in many complex things, she sure was helpless on even the most trivial everyday tasks. Naoko found it amusing to watch her friend trying to comprehend how to operate a stove as if it’s rocket science. To Rin’s defense, though, she mentioned being used to eating out with her parents and her favorite foods were sweets, meaning she consumed lots of cold or ready to eat snacks. Not to mention sugary treats were capable of calming her down no matter how anxious she got. All in all, not a healthy choice, but a delicious one at that.

  Only after her friend went home Naoko was able to ponder about her dream, and of her mind strangely telling her things she didn’t really know about. Though in a sense she kind of knew all those things all along. It’s just like when her producer bought her a pair of boots, the first in her life. She wanted it badly, but while she was thinking about how the others would react, she was scared by the possibility people would act in overly critical ways just like her father would. When she stopped focusing her attention on other people’s opinions and turned back to her own desires, however, she was able to wear it. In doing so she also discovered others weren’t nearly as terrifying as she thought they’d be. Her imagination created a scary scenario with her worst previous experiences where everyone would act like her father, when reality proved to be much less troublesome. Wasn’t it what her mind was telling her to do again on the show? To focus on herself, the songs she already knew how to dance and her desire to be watched like when the Drama club members attended to her rehearsal? Paradoxically, was her mind telling her to stop paying attention to her own judgmental imagination and, in concentrating on her desires and positive traits, experience the real world rather than her scary fantasy of it?

  It looked like a very roundabout and complex way for things to work. If her mind didn’t want to scary her with her thoughts, why didn’t it step aside in the first place instead of forcing the girl to consciously focus her attention on her own desires and not on what she believed other people would think of it? Yet thinking about her own mind as an alternate entity, separate from her, seemed a long shot, even if that was the impression Rin gave her when explaining about the consciousness and the unconsciousness. Anyway, once she established a link between what she already did when wearing her new extravagant footwear for the first time and the events that were still to unfold, her anxiety waned, giving in to calmness. That night Naoko was able to sleep peacefully and wake up renewed and ready.

  While she commuted by train to Aratani’s office and felt the energy that flowed to her by merely being around other people, she gradually got pumped up by the idea of presenting herself. She already knew her few dances and songs by heart and the incredible sensation she felt by practicing in front of twenty-some students warmed her chest. If that was already good, how much better would it be to gig in front of five or more times more people and be paid to do so? The only thing Naoko noticed was that the instant her attention turned to the thoughts of the audience she lost her confidence. When she centered herself back on her desire to do those things, to be watched and to sing, her courage and drive to win returned.

  Furthermore, the sun invaded the windows and bathed the passengers, faintly reminding her of that nostalgic show she watched on the TV back on her childhood. The one where a group of idols on a sun-soaked acoustic shell on a crowded park sang that cheerful song that Aratani showed her Umeko singing during the beginning of her career. If Naoko’s first gig was to be even one thousandth as fun as that, and it helped her perhaps someday doing a similar show, she’s more than willing to sing that day! The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to be on the stage that very minute.

  She ran upstairs with thundering steps and arrived at the office breathless but radiant. Her producer also seemed content, but seeing the girl so brisk baffled him.

  “Let’s do it! When’s the show?!” Naoko burningly stated as soon as she opened the door. Aratani, scratching his head and looking confused, asked her to sit down while rumbling, “I swear it must be easier to comprehend the illusion that pervades our supposed reality and transcend it into Buddhahood than to understand women! Damn it, Naoko-Chan, last time we talked I was left with the impression you’d be mortified for today, and yet you almost break my door in excitement as you enter?! Not that I’m complaining, but still! Care to explain what happened?”

  “Show! When?! Speak!” with flaming eyes Naoko ordered bluntly, to which her bewildered producer replied, “Huh… Remember when I told you we’d only do that audition for the gig as a last resort, in case I wasn’t able to net us an ad contract until then? Well, I thought you’d like to hear the news that I worked myself half way to death these days and got a job for us righ
t on this week and a few for next one… but apparently you’ll try to stab me instead, right?”

  He handed her a two pages contract that the girl, while not exactly unhappy, looked slightly disappointed while she began to read.

  “So there’ll be no show?” Naoko asked, to which Aratani inquired, “Is Naoko-Chan sad?”

  “No. Not sad, I’m just…” the girl thought about it for a second while reading the contract. Noticing the value of it, she continued, “Oh, seven grand?! That sweet! I… uh… To tell you the truth, I was just excited for the show today. At first I was really afraid, but after thinking about it and with the help of a friend of mine I just understood it’d be nice.”

  Aratani faced her puzzled.

  “Well… We already got what we needed, so Naoko-Chan has no responsibility whatsoever to do it, but since I have already registered us there and paid the entry fee, we can technically still to it if you wish.”

  “For real?!” Naoko immediately replied. Taking a moment to muster up the good feelings of her practice sessions and from the nostalgic park exhibition from her childhood, she lit her passion again and asked, “So, can I still do it?! Is there a penalty for losing?”

  “Other than the entry fee I already paid and which will not be reimbursed anyway, no. No penalties for losing.” Aratani explained, “Though, to be frank, I’m slightly worried that a loss at your first gig might discourage Naoko-Chan. It’s a common thing to happen, I might add, and even though that’s a competition for rookies, most idols there had between three and five months of training before attempting it, so Naoko-Chan, having only three days including today, would have nothing to be sad about if she lost. Especially since she has no obligation to compete on that audition, much less rank among top five. Even so, I’m reticent here because I don’t want you to feel bad in case you lost an audition.”

  The girl lowered her face back to the ad contract. As she thought about the possibility she lost, even if she had no pressure to go well anyway, anxiety began to well up on her. Though that was an already well-known problem with an already well-known solution for her. Asking herself what was her desire and trying not to focus on anyone else’s opinions, not from potential spectators and certainly not from judges, she felt a slight hint of enthusiasm as she imagined herself in front of a small crowd. Curious, she questioned:

  “Produ-San, do you know how many people would be watching my show?”

  “Well, at first you’d have an audition, where the only ones present would be other idols and their respective producers, along with the judges and a few businessmen from I.S.S.G.” Aratani explained, “Probably the hardest part, since you’d be surrounded by your competitors, around thirty idols or so. If you manage to rank among top five, your real gig would be on a high-end restaurant known for its already traditional musical presentations every Saturday and Sunday nights. Every week there are idols presenting themselves there, they’re long time clients from I.S.S.G. Show prospects never mention the number of spectators, but I’ve been there once. From what I remember, I believe the house capacity is around two hundred seats.”

  “Two hundred?!” Naoko exclaimed, “Two hundred people to watch my first gig?! Are you crazy to think about sending me to a place like that from the get-go, Produ-San?!”

  “I said two hundred seats, not necessarily two hundred people.” Aratani replied, “If a couple take a table for four, that’s two less seats available. I’d estimate around one hundred and thirty to one hundred and fifty people would be there. Also, remember they’d not be there just for you, Naoko-Chan: there are five idols to present themselves, one after the other. And to be frank, while the show plays a large role in that restaurant, people are also entertained by the food and the beverages, so don’t get your hopes too high. It’s a very nice place for a first exhibition, though: the place looks fancy and after a glass of alcohol most people get to enjoy shows more than they would otherwise. And you get to start with an already nicely numbered audience. None of those private parties with forty people crap that sometimes people pay I.S.S.G. to do, and to which the corporation requests greenhorn idols to attend. Trust me, it was a perfect first gig opportunity. Only we don’t need to go through this hassle anymore. Not just yet, at least.”

  That sounded an amazing opportunity to Naoko that got her pumped and thinking. Not only it looked good, but he was right on the “not yet” part. For as much as Naoko got anxious thinking about it, she’d have to do gigs sooner or later anyway. And when she thought about it, her anxiety was not different from her desire to get onstage and be applauded like she was on her school theater, only with added fears related to her losing sight of her wants and focusing too much on how others could react to her. In bad ways, of course. In fact, wasn’t it the way Rin used to think to get her so scared? In the karaoke, her friend was afraid Naoko would be displeased about the blond girl’s singing, would laugh at her and never again want to go out with her. That was clearly a worst-case scenario thinking. Rin was focusing too much on how Naoko could react to her in the worst possible ways. And so was Naoko, when thinking about the crowd of her possible first show. They wouldn’t be there to judge and censor her, but to enjoy a meal and have fun. When that occurred to her, the fears that tainted her desires and transformed them in anxiety dwindled and the thrilling thoughts that made her pumped up during the train trip returned.

  “Well, Produ-San is right.” Naoko, getting brisk and positive again, retorted, “But, like you said, we don’t need it “just yet”. Eventually I’ll have to make my debut, right? And you’ve already paid the entry fee anyway, right? And you said that we’ve nothing to lose attending to it this time? So how about you let me try it? I swear I’ll not get down if I lose!”

  Grinning, the man coolly stated:

  “That’s not something a person has entirely under her control, so I don’t know how Naoko-Chan plans to keep her promise if she loses, but you have a point. Well, I guess we can give it a shot. The worse that can happen is that I’ll have to lend you a shoulder to cry and then have to send my wet suit to the laundry.”

  “Produ-San should send his whole office as well!” Naoko snapped, “See if they can remove this tobacco and alcohol smell from it!”

  “There you go again with your olfactory hallucinations,” her producer retaliated.